_Lost in translation_

I wonder if to grow up means being more and more confused every day.

Or if it means that you learn to understand your own confussions and act on the conclusions you make out of them, even if you dislike the answers you find and therefore, the actions you must undertake. 

All I know is that I've grown to make sense of most of my confussions, after a whole life of getting to know myself. 

And even so, I let my confussions live happily as they are. 

I don't solve them. 

I guess that if I do so is because I feel in control of their outcomes. A kind of controlled chaos.

It's only sometimes that I worry about letting my own confussions continue being so. 

That's when I think I might lose control. 

And losing control means one thing over any other: getting hurt. 

For a person that has avoided pain ever since she has a memory, that's a greater risk than she possibly can handle. 

And still...

There are many ways of getting hurt. 

One can be hurt in one's pride, betrayed, hurt in the heart... 

The funny thing is, that even if this situation would be one to be worrying about getting hurt otherwise, my worry is getting hurt in my pride. 

After all, I am a proud person. 

I think I might be becoming quite detached for my own sake.

Or maybe that apparent detachment is just an outcome of becoming more and more aware of what I really seek for in life. 

Maybe I'm not up to wasting my time anymore.

Or maybe I'm just making excuses to avoid getting hurt while I'm reminded of the thing I most dislike about myself.

I can only guess it's a mixture of everything.
But then again, who knows... 

_Only the young can_

Parece que el 2013 ha empezado de la mejor forma posible.

Después de una charla muy necesaria que, casualidades de la vida, ha tenido lugar esta noche, me siento por fin liberada de una pesada carga que arrastraba desde hace ya mucho tiempo e inspirada para hacer de este un año sustancialmente diferente en mi vida.

Se acabaron las excusas, las perezas y el "ya lo haré algún día". 

Se acabaron la falta de motivación y la falta de voluntad, mis dos grandes enemigas.

No será una lucha fácil, se trata de mi mayor reto. Pero si lo consigo será, sin duda, la mayor de mis victorias.Y sobretodo, el comienzo de una nueva etapa, que llevo demasiado tiempo posponiendo. 

Hoy dejo de mirar al pasado con mirada nostálgica y con la añoranza de los tiempos vividos que ya no volverán. Hoy dejo de acumular todos mis deseos y esperanzas en el futuro.
Hoy me entrego a ti, mi presente. Y prometo hacer de ti un presente merecedor de ser vivido.

2013, tú vas a ser el año.

Look back in silence, the cradle of your whole life

There in the distance, losing it's greatest prize

Nothing is easy, nothing is sacred. Why?

Where did the bough break?

It happened before your time

There were people there, lovely as you've ever cared

Tonight

Baby you can start again

Laughing in the open air, have yourself another dream

Tonight

Maybe we can start again

Only the young can break away, beak away

Lost when the wind blows, on your own

Redemption keeps my covers clean tonight...